Editor’s note: CAP employees have unique backgrounds and experiences, shaping us as an organization and reflecting the diverse communities we serve. June is Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness about Alzheimer’s and other brain issues.
Christine Nelson joined CAP in 2022 as a risk management analyst, bringing more than 25 years’ experience in the field.
Christine Nelson has a smile that lights up a room and a laugh that is contagious – but behind her jovial exterior is a strong woman with a “suck it up buttercup” perspective on life.
“We all have challenges, but my approach is to deal with it and move on,” said Nelson. “I really don’t have a compassionate heart.”
Proof of that, Nelson said, is her brief stint as a certified nursing assistant (CNA), a career that was short lived but because it gave her experience with medical terminology, it served as an entry point into her career in insurance and risk management.
Given that, it may seem counterintuitive to learn that Nelson has opened her home – and her heart — to three family members, two of which are dealing with brain-related health issues.
Her transition to caregiver happened gradually. Nelson has always been close to her family, including her elderly mother who lived in a different part of the Valley and was the caregiver for Nelson’s brother, who was debilitated due to a stroke. About two years ago, Nelson was doing her daily check-in with her mom, but was unable to reach her. She asked a neighbor to visit the house, they found Nelson’s mother on the floor, unable to get up. Nelson’s brother was fine – but because of his medical condition was unable to see that his mother needed help.
She immediately knew it was no longer a safe living situation for her mother and brother, so she planned to move them in with her. The timing was perfect; Nelson was looking to buy a home and now she could look for one that fit everyone. They found a four bedroom, three bath home with a mother-in-law suite, which provided an extra bedroom for her brother and a private suite for her mom to have her own space.
But life, as we know, is unpredictable. A few months later, Nelson’s uncle passed away unexpectedly, leaving his 73-year-old wife, Nelson’s Aunt Lita. She knew her aunt was starting to exhibit some memory issues but wasn’t aware to what extent.
“I had noticed she was repeating herself, but because we weren’t together all the time, I didn’t realize how bad she was,” said Nelson. “Once I was around her more, I knew something was severely wrong and made an appointment with her doctor.”
Four hours and multiple tests later came the results – she had a 21-minute memory retention.
“It was bad,” said Nelson. “I asked the doctor, ‘at what point should she not be living alone,’ and he looked at me and said, ‘you’ll know.’”
Nelson did the responsible things – put GPS on her phone and made sure she was only driving to the grocery store, pharmacy or doctor’s office. She checked in with her multiple times a day and asked about her day. And, she had long and difficult conversations with her aunt about her failing memory, making sure Aunt Lita knew she was there for her.
Then the day came. Aunt Lita’s recap of her day did not reflect her GPS movements. Nelson could tell she was struggling. It was time for the conversation and to help Aunt Lita move into her home.
It wasn’t easy or quick. Aunt Lita had a house full of possessions that wouldn’t fit into Nelson’s home, and she wanted to be empathetic to her aunt’s feelings. So, she embraced it with her “suck it up buttercup” attitude and jumped in.
Nelson said one of the biggest obstacles was taking over her aunt’s finances. It was necessary because Aunt Lita was writing checks to people that she didn’t owe money, but difficult because it was one way her aunt had control in her life.
“We had a trust done, I talked with my mom, and we moved Aunt Lita in,” said Nelson.
The final member of the family living in this house is Nelson’s husband Willie (yes, he’s Willie Nelson, but not THAT Willie Nelson). In fact, they are newlyweds. They were married on New Year’s Eve – a surprise event for their guests who thought they were there to simply ring in the new year.
Five adults living in one house is never easy. When two are dealing with significant memory and brain-related health issues, it’s even more challenging. However, Nelson takes it all in stride, finding a work-life balance that is uncharted territory for her.
Her job as a risk management analyst is four 10-hour days; two of them she works remotely from home, which helps with her work-life balance. She is able to prompt Aunt Lita to eat breakfast or remind her she already ate when she is making a sandwich 20 minutes after finishing her lunch.
They eat together as a family nearly every night. Nelson said her mom typically cooks, and Aunt Lita helps by chopping vegetables. She’s done a lot of research on what will help keep Aunt Lita’s brain sharp, so there are lots of card games, puzzles and trivia.
“Trivia is great for Aunt Lita because she still has her long-term memory and she is sharp, so she gets those quickly,” said Nelson.
Aunt Lita finds things to do that make her feel useful and gives her purpose – she unloads the dishwasher, often putting dishes on the counter because she can’t remember where they go. She sweeps but hates to mop. And, she loves feeding the dogs and taking them outside, being careful to stay with them to keep them safe.
But there are things that are a struggle. Nelson said she has to remind Aunt Lita to shower and change her clothes. She’s given up her driver’s license, so Nelson takes her to doctors’ appointments and helps her run errands. And the memory issues are intensifying, which can create frustration when she asks the same questions four or five times in one hour.
Nelson knows it’s not forever. Nothing is. She has already lost her father and one brother … and she is a breast cancer survivor.
“It’s so sad to see my aunt go through this. She’s intelligent and worked her whole life, in fact she just retired a few years ago,” said Nelson. “She knows her trivia and presidents and geography and she reads – but she can’t remember that she just ate a sandwich.”
Brain and memory issues are extremely challenging, not just for those experiencing it, but those who love and care for them. But for Nelson, who grew up in a military family and moved frequently, family was the one constant, the people you could count on. So, when that beloved family faces challenges, you “suck it up buttercup” and jump in to help.
“I’m all she has. She didn’t have children and her brother – my father – already passed away,” said Nelson. “I could put her in memory care, but I would rather have her here with us where she can enjoy things like shopping, playing cards and having time together.”
The true definition of compassion.
