Editor’s note: CAP employees have unique backgrounds and experiences, shaping us as an organization and reflecting the diverse communities we serve. November is National Family Caregivers Month, an opportunity to recognize and honor caregivers.
Jenn Miller, public affairs event specialist, joined CAP in 2018 and has more than 25 years of experience in event planning. She is certified as a Certified Meeting Professional (CMP) and a Certified Government Meeting Professional (CGMP).
Jenn Miller has some mad organizational skills. Not only is she a professional event planner, she’s also the proud owner of a tiny home on wheels. Her career and personal life require not only organizational skills, but flexibility, resourcefulness, a positive attitude and, most importantly, a focus on experiences over material possessions.
For Miller, those characteristics come naturally, which serves her well in what she says is her most important role: caregiver to her 87-year-old parents, Daniel and Barbara Olson.
Miller’s journey started more than 50 years ago in St. Paul, Minn. Her parents, a Lutheran minister and an elementary school teacher, were asked if they would be interested in adopting twin infant girls.
“They had three biological sons, all of Scandinavian descent,” said Miller. “But when my parents were asked if they would adopt me and my sister, they said, ‘yes’ and that’s how we came into the family,” said Miller.
The family of seven spent the next few years in Minnesota, living a traditional Midwest life, when her father was approached by the church and asked if he would be interested in going overseas to be a missionary.
“Again, he said, ‘yes,’” said Miller. “So, my parents moved the entire family to Ethiopia, where we lived in an international compound for the next three and a half years.”
It was a life filled with experiences. She attended an international school, where her mother also taught. Her parents immersed themselves in learning the language – Amharic – and working as missionaries. However, shortly after Miller’s sixth birthday, her mother got extremely sick.
“At the time, they described it as French polio, but now we know it as Guillain-Barré syndrome, or GBS,” said Miller. “GBS is a rare neurological disorder that occurs when the body’s immune system attacks the peripheral nervous system and in the 70s they didn’t know how to treat it. She was literally on her death bed.”
Miller said that Ethiopia was under curfew and hospitals were low on supplies, so her father and some other men in the compound would sneak out at night to search for extra oxygen tanks to keep her mother alive. Family back in the U.S. was working with state legislators to get her mother transported out of the country for better medical care. When that finally happened, Miller’s mother was flown to Greece for treatment. Her father followed shortly after, leaving the five children to be taken care of by other families in the compound. Six months later, the children were also taken to Greece before eventually returning to the U.S.
“Once we were back in Minnesota, my mom spent a full year in the hospital recovering,” said Miller. “My dad got a job at the church and when my mom got out of the hospital, we lived in a house provided by the church with a lot of help from home health aides.”
Barbara was initially paralyzed and unable to breathe on her own requiring a tracheotomy to breathe; she was told she would never walk again. She endured physical therapy every day.
“It was a lot for our family and a very interesting upbringing,” said Miller. “As little girls, the home health aides would often do our hair before school.”
Barbara worked hard and her recovery exceeded all expectations. When Daniel was offered a job in the Lutheran Church headquarters in New York, she was well enough, and the family moved to New Jersey.
“My mom proved everyone wrong,” said Miller. “She needed braces, canes or a wheelchair to get around, but she learned how to drive again and went back to teaching, this time teaching English as a second language.”
After graduating from high school, Miller went to Valparaiso University in Indiana. She graduated with a degree in geography, but quickly learned her passion was event planning. As she was growing her career, life happened and after a visit to her sister’s house in Phoenix, she decided to move here. It wasn’t long before retirement brought her parents to Sun City Grand.
“Mom still had residual effects from her GBS and both of them were getting older,” said Miller. “Then dad got diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and at first, he did well, following the doctor’s directions. But it’s a beast.”
After several years of conversations, Miller said her parents agreed to move to a retirement community that has independent living, assisted living, memory care and a care center. They embraced their apartment and the social opportunities at the community. Her dad played pool and ping pong with a group of men and traveled around the Valley singing with the Tremble Clefs, a choir whose members are impacted by Parkinson’s Disease.
However, the time eventually came where it became apparent that they needed more help, so they moved to an assisted living apartment.
“My sister and I were constantly paying attention, questioning everything to ensure they had the best possible living situation,” said Miller.
Her parents were close to dining and activities, and they did well there. Miller said that with her father’s Parkinsons Disease came Dementia with Lewy-Bodies and staff started to notice concerning changes with his memory and asked them to consider moving him to the memory care unit.
“The thought of separating my parents was so painful and the worst conversation we’ve ever had,” said Miller.
Together, they toured the memory care unit and made the decision to move him. Miller dug deep and embraced the transition with her typical optimism, moving items from the apartment into his new memory care room so he would feel at home. Then COVID hit. Not only was she unable to visit her parents, but they were also no longer able to even visit each other.
“That was the hardest time because we couldn’t be there for them,” said Miller. “We would make huge poster signs and hold them outside the windows so they could see us or drop them off so staff could place them in their rooms.”
Miller’s brothers all live in New Mexico, so she and her sister are the closest geographically. As her parents’ health declined, their needs increased. For a caregiver, it’s a journey that is uncharted territory, full of many new experiences. And, it’s a journey that has taught Miller a lot. Low sodium levels can be life threatening and require a blood test to detect. Not all rehab facilities provide adequate care. Parkinson’s Disease looks different for everyone. With aging comes loss at many levels. Patience does not always come easily. Being a caregiver strains relationships, takes a lot of time and can be stressful and unpredictable.
“Sometimes it can be heart breaking, but I love them so much,” said Miller. “It’s difficult, so I use humor and sarcasm – traits I inherited from my dad. I have fun and make it lighthearted. Being a caregiver is a lot. Miller is an advocate for her parents. She pays their bills and manages their finances and daily business, including calls to insurance companies, conversations with the care center, and working with her dad’s private caregiver.
Now, her parents live in the care center in rooms next to each other. Every Sunday, Miller spends the day with them. She plays “fill in the blank” with her mother, whose verbal memory is decreasing, leaving her struggling with some simple words. She sings to her father because she was always the singer in the family, and it brightens his day. It is like a second job, but one that is a priority for Miller and that she is proud to do.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way. I adore my parents and the life they have given me,” said Miller. “My parents prioritized me, and I am so appreciative. The least I can do is to take care of them in their last days and years.”
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